Yellen urges nation to check couch for spare change, hoping to avoid default
WASHINGTON (The Egg) — Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen urged the nation Tuesday to check their couches or chairs for any spare change that might have slipped in between the cushions, hoping to buy time before a potential default on the nation’s debt later this year.
The warning comes as the U.S. is projected to reach its debt limit on Thursday, after which Yellen will personally check the couches in the Treasury Department for spare change before moving on to the White House and other government buildings to delay default.
“I’m losing my patience with you clowns,” Yellen wrote in a letter to House and Senate leaders. “Are you really going to make an old woman dig through the couches to find enough spare change to give you clowns some more time to chat?”
“You guys need to get your shit together and raise the debt ceiling,” she added.
Yellen said that couch revenue collection is just part of the “extraordinary measures” that the Treasury will implement, in which they will prioritize government couches first before moving on to the rest of the country’s furniture.
In order to make the process as smooth as possible, Yellen has provided a diagram with arrows and advice on the best strategy to retrieve the coins before she begins home visits in the coming weeks.
“Don’t just stop at the cushions,” said Yellen. “You’ve got to really dig in there with your fingers … in the sides and around the back. That’s where I’ve had the best luck.”
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